It's been a long time since the last post in this blog series, but life took a big turn for me, and I’ve been quite busy over the last six months. The next blog will tell you that story—the conclusion of this series. The journey with Percha has brought me to where I am today, shaping every decision I’ve made and every belief I now hold.
For those who may not remember, the last blog ended with these words:
"I had been lost for months—my confidence gone, my trust in myself shattered. I felt like I had failed my journey with Percha, lost myself, and didn’t understand why.
This marked the beginning of a new phase in my journey, one where I experienced trauma and dissociation. It was a dark, scary time, but in the end, it led me to the light of today."
I remember that feeling of being lost, where I wasn’t even trying to find answers because I didn’t know there were questions to ask. I just knew I felt bad—drained, unsatisfied, exhausted. I no longer recognized myself. I had always been a multitasker, handling many things simultaneously at work and home. I could juggle responsibilities, remember everything, and manage last-minute stress without hesitation. This ability made me feel strong and secure—I trusted my brain more than anything. However, I didn’t have the same trust in my body. Since childhood, I had always perceived it as weak and fragile. I didn’t realize then how deeply the body is connected to the mind or that emotions are stored in the body first.
I also didn’t know that the beliefs and behaviors we develop as children become ingrained in us. The more we think a certain way, the more we act in accordance with it, reinforcing it as our reality (sorry for the wordplay! 😀). Moreover, when you don’t fulfill your heart’s desires or align with your life’s purpose, you constantly feel drained, and your body remains in pain. I had always valued my intellect over my physical self—seeing my body merely as something that carried me around.
When my headaches and brain fog became so intense that I could no longer perform simple calculations at work or focus in meetings without immense effort, I knew I was lost. I was scared and vulnerable. The accident had changed something in me, and I saw it as a negative shift. Then, I read Linda Kohanov’s book *The Tao of Equus*, which was eye-opening. Many of my experiences with my horse were described and explained within its pages, particularly trauma responses. This led me to dig deeper, and I discovered Linda’s equine coaching program, which was available in the Netherlands. Thrilled, I reached out, shared my story, and booked a session.
The cost was significant, and I took time to reflect. However, the program offered the potential for me to become an equine-facilitated coach myself—something that intrigued me deeply. After a few months, I decided to invest in the NOW program led by Josselien Jansen. She told me it had changed her life and was the best money she had ever spent. I trusted her, trusted myself, and indeed, the program changed my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
The NOW program helped me reconnect with my body and understand myself better. It allowed me to release years of emotional baggage that I had unknowingly been carrying. It revealed how past experiences shaped my behaviors and how my emotional triggers had little to do with my present reality. It was a revelation—my healing had begun.
I continued the journey and joined the *Level I Medicine Horse Way* program to become a coach. The four-month training was intense, but when I started coaching others, I truly understood the power of this philosophy. My healing deepened.
A year later, I finally took the time to understand what was happening in my body. I listened carefully, and the Universe started sending me signs. Eventually, I came across *post-concussion syndrome* and realized that I had been suffering from it for over three years. I found specialists in the field and underwent testing, which confirmed my condition. The therapy to retrain my brain was incredibly expensive, with no insurance coverage or financial support from work.
Instead of pursuing professional treatment, I turned to Joe Dispenza’s teachings and self-directed healing. I practiced brain exercises, allowed myself to rest, minimized screen time, and engaged in activities that brought me joy. I focused on one thing at a time, rather than overwhelming myself. Slowly, things changed—my energy returned, my confidence in my body grew, my cognitive speed improved, and I regained joy in my work and life. I start to enjoy slowing down, I started to really feel the sensation of "no time" the horses have. I said to myself "this is the pace I want to live my life, here the magic really happens".
And what about Percha? During this time, I paused the saddle-up process, I accepted it was not the right time and I would only ruined the incredible progress we have made so far. Instead, I simply sat on his bare back for moments of connection. We shifted focus to advanced liberty training, which strengthened our bond even further. By slowing down, both with myself and with him, we progressed more than I could have imagined.
I also made a major life decision—I reduced my working hours to 24 hours a week. With a new colleague on board, I finally felt like I could create space for myself. Having half-days free to spend with my horses and three-day weekends was perfect.
The liberty work with Percha took me even deeper. He was quick, often too quick (he still is!), and sometimes confused, offering a flurry of movements when he wasn’t sure what I wanted. Over time, I learned that the clearer I was in my mind and so in body, the easier it was for him to understand. With each small success, his movements became more beautiful to an extend I would not think it was possible. Percha started to fully express his potential, the one it was always hidden behind fear and tension, he was dancing, and as a dancer he would interpret the movement in his own way, taking my own thought and energy as inspiration. Those moments I experience pure connection with him and it is something truly unique.
Despite my struggles, one thing never ceased to amaze me—my heightened awareness of everything around me. I could sense the shifts in my horses’ heartbeats, hear subtle changes in the stable, and pick up on the hidden emotions of people around me. Moments of deep silence and stillness would guide me on how to help both horses and humans alike. It often seems to me that everything around me was going extremely fast, everyone was running, wanted more, was pushing, and I could just stand totally still and slow down the time and feel more, listen more.
I eventually found a healer who identified an obstruction in my neck that had been restricting blood flow and causing dizziness and nausea. When I told him how deeply I could feel what my horse was experiencing, he simply said, “Of course you could—because you were feeling the same way.”
Now, I won’t dive into all the science behind the polyvagal theory, the vagus nerve, or trauma responses, but I will say this—transformation often begins with pain. We rarely change unless something forces us to.
But there was one magical moment during the NOW program that I want to share. In one of my first sessions, I played the card game The Way of the Horse by Linda Kohanov (look it up if you haven’t!). My question for the cards was, “What is the reason Percha is in my life?”
I picked five cards, and their connections to my journey with Percha were incredible. One was The Twins, which spoke of mythic reality and supernatural elements. Another was The Rasa Dance, representing the music of connection. Each card felt deeply meaningful—except for the last two, which seemed cryptic. I couldn’t quite grasp their significance at the time.
Over a year later, I revisited one of those cards. To my amazement, it spoke of trauma, dissociation, and out-of-body sensations—everything I had only begun to experience more consciously months after drawing it. Incredible, right?
Oops, this is getting long! I’ll leave the final chapter—where the light truly shines and big changes unfold—for the next and last post in this series.
Stay tuned and keep reading!
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